he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Is Oprah even human
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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