If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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