i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
