i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
