Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
