Who wears a wallet chain?!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Your cock deserves a montage
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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