Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
