Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Farmville is her only friend.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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