you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
