I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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