is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
