my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
