I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
