Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Nobody cheats on THIS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
