i think my tv is drunk
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize