it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
