Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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