Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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