ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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