I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
