i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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