I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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