I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
