I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
