The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
