whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
