haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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