I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
