I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
