It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
