i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
