Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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