I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
