well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I fill condoms, not promises.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
