i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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