If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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