So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
