remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
