Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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