how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize