i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
