Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
