Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
