woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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