When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
