He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
