My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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