Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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