toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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