I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
