My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
