I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
