Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
