What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
