Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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