Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Randomize
