Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
