a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
