How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
