my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This is my gift to your gina
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
