If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
