life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
