I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
