I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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