I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
