We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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