you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
is it fun? or sober?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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