i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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