Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
jump out the window naked night went bad
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
