New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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