Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
