Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will pee on everything he values.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
