I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it glows. i had to have it.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
