i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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