i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
