you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
