I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
