you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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