Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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