Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
