you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
