1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
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