how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
