I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
