My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
