I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
