shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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