Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
