My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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