I'm eating all of the evidence.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
